Running Away
by BLFBH
Summary: What is I have to say to make you admit you're afraid? Why are you running away? This was a song fic a long time ago that I deleted and improved so much! RR, please!


"Running Away"

Hoobastank

A Song-fic by Briana LFBH  
  
Did anyone ever see this before by me? It was my first fan fic ever, but it was doing so horribly that I deleted it. No, wait, that's not the only reason. I realized that the way I made the song fic was confusing and didn't make any sense. It was kind of experimental. Instead of posting the lyrics after certain paragraphs, I had the characters think or say the lyrics to each other, but the lyrics are not two people talking, so I deleted it. I tried to find a new way to do the song fic, but I soon slipped away from it after starting my chapter fics, which by now I hope people haven't forgotten. Sorry, but I'm in the phase with Quizilla. They have so many quizzes that are more like fan fics that it's scary! So, I'm back, and I'll be updating Fallen and TtCD as soon as I can. I was shifting through my CDs and found my NOW-11 disc, listened to it, then heard this song, and I'm like FWOOM! Where's the computer? I'm just glad that I'm relatively better at song fics now! So, that's enough back-story, I guess.

Disclaimer (it's been so long! Dang it I miss this stuff): Hey Arnold isn't owned by me, okay? Craig Bartlett owns it, that sweet creative man whom Nickelodeon as thrashed about for SO long! "Running Away" is a song owned by Hoobastank and their record label, and what not.  
  
Today was the day.

The day Arnold would do something he hadn't ever thought of before. The day he would be his old, advice-giving self, except that this time the person in question didn't come up to him with the problem.

In fact, the person in question tried to hide it as much as possible, but oh, he finally figured it out. He figured it all out.

Everyone had said at one point or another that he was sometimes slow to figure things out, but he didn't know why. Everyone always asked him to figure out their problems, so how could he really be that daft? Come to think of it, if he was so much slower than everyone else, why was he the first one to see what he was about to try and solve?

Arnold walked down the nearly deserted halls, contemplating what he would so, mulling it over in his mind. It was late, fifteen minutes after school had ended, but he knew where she would be. He'd not only asked around, but did something a little shameful and followed her. For the last week she always went to the same spot in the park, and just sat there, a glare on her face but not looking at anyone, a look in her eye he never saw in school or anywhere. Today was the day he'd be yelled at, and for once, he would yell back.

Anything to catch her attention. Anything.

He finally left the school and boarded a bus that would take him to the park, breathing evenly and deeply to calm his nerves. He had to be composed and direct, because she was his friend in some odd way that even he didn't understand. She was his friend, and what are friends for?

The bus reached the park gates, and he departed from it, his backpack still slung over his shoulder. Arnold was ready. He was determined. He was going to tell Helga everything he knew. It had taken so long for him to realize everything, to remember it all, the actions, the expressions, and the insults compared to the looks, the tones, and the apologies. He remembered her stories about her sister and her parents, the few events where the two of them were at a truce, and the things Helga had done that he thought was so out of the ordinary, but deep down made him proud for her.

He saw her in the same place, staring into nothing but air, looking down into hr lap sometimes, sometimes mumbling to her self. He took one last reassuring breath and walked up to her. "Hi, Helga," he said, stopping a few feet from her spot by the tree.

Helga looked up startled, but quickly covered up the expression with one of hate. Arnold took note of it, not the first time since he started recently. "What are you doing here, Arnold?" she spat. "Why aren't you playing catch with Geraldo or something?"

Arnold narrowed his eyes seriously and said, "I know, Helga. And it has to stop now."

Helga's eyes widened and it looked like she was suffocating for a second. She tried to look unworried, but the attempt failed miserably. "Wh... What do you mean? What do you know?"

Arnold scrunched his eyebrows together. Why was she so worried looking? Have I missed something? He shrugged it off and replied, "I know what you do to yourself, Helga. I know that you're eating yourself away, and you have to stop. Stop giving yourself away to an invisible storage box and listen to me now."  
  
_I don't want you to give it all up  
  And lead your whole life collecting dust_  
  
Helga's mouth dropped, and she was so shocked that she couldn't stop herself for a minute. Arnold was so determined looking, and she could tell that he was willing to be forceful with whatever it was that he was going to say. But Helga didn't have time for this, and she didn't want to have to say anything now. She didn't want to confront whatever theory had popped into Arnold's mind. She was afraid that it would be true. "You have too much free time, Arnold. Why don't you get a hobby and stop prying into my life!"

She stood up from her seat, grabbed her backpack, and started to storm away. _What does he know?_ She thought to herself. _Nothing. He doesn't even know that... He just wants another charity case is all_.

"Helga, wait!" Arnold ran over to her, keeping pace with her, dropping his backpack on the ground and forgetting about it. He whirled on her in a feat that he'd never done with her before. "You stay there and listen for once in your life, Helga, because this is important, and I know you don't like me. I don't care. I know all about your lies and I want to help you."

Helga snorted and smirked. "Well, you're wasting you're time, because there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not a lie; I'm Helga, so shove off for once and leave me alone, before I decide to knock your teeth out." She pushed past him, thinking that she succeeded, but then she felt an arm grab the back collar of her shirt. She whirled around to see Arnold grabbing her shirt and glaring. "Get off of me, Arnold! Stop worrying so much about me! God!" He was acting like he was so worried about her, but he didn't even know anything! He didn't even know the most essential thing of all.  
  
_ And I don't want you to feel sorry for me  
You never gave us a chance to be_  
  
"No," Arnold said, as calm as ever. "This is too important, Helga." He let go of her shirt, but didn't take his eyes away from hers, and Helga felt herself begin to melt into putty. She didn't want to, but she figured that she'd start something she'd regret if she left again and Arnold kept following her. She knew he would.

"Fine. What's your little theory about me this time, hair boy? Because obviously that's all it is, what with me, and lies, and what was it you said? Eating myself away? Ha!" She let out a loud barking laugh at that. But Arnold's stare didn't waver, didn't fault, didn't have the speck of doubt that she needed to see for him to give up again and go away. But he wouldn't.

Arnold tried to keep his patience. After what he'd deducted, he knew that it would take some time to break into her. "Don't lie to me, Helga. I know. I know that inside you're already realizing that I'm not going to go away until you do something that you fear will kill you inside. It won't. You've been dying for a long time, Helga. As smart as you think you are, making everyone go away so that they think you're as fine and independent as ever, it's not working. At least for me. So don't tell me that it's all right. I know it isn't, it never has been. So stop, and listen."

_Oh, man_, Helga thought with dread. Wasn't _he supposed to be the slow one?_ Helga shook her head, trying to look defiant when she was actually starting to get a little scared of this event. "Go away, I'm fine, but if you stay here any longer you won't be."

Arnold thought for a moment, and then knew exactly what to say. "I've I was feeling bad enough, and you were there and asked to help - which don't deny it, you have – I would tell you, wouldn't I?"  
  
_And I don't need you to be by my side  
To tell me that everything's all right  
I just wanted you to tell me the truth  
You know I'd do that for you_  
  
Helga couldn't stay there any longer. If she did, she didn't know what would happen. But she knew that no matter what, he couldn't know this. He couldn't know this now, and if he didn't, he wasn't going to find out by her breaking. She didn't care if he knew one secret, the one she'd wanted to say all along, but he wouldn't know this one.

"Later for you," she whispered coldly, turned her back, and started calmly walking away, but she was nearly shaking to her bones. This wasn't supposed to ever happen. She was supposed to be good at this by now.

Arnold groaned silently, trying to think of what to do. In his head, Helga had yelled, but she'd never turned her back completely on what he had to say. He tried remembering everything he'd ever known about her, and finally knew exactly what would bring her back. _Oh, please_, he thought, _don't__ let her hurt me for this._

"Are you afraid or something? It looks to me like you're running from a fight, Helga," he taunted. The sound coming from his mouth was a relatively new one. He'd used it before to get Helga to do things, like when he convinced her to look for the haunted train, but this was just out of the ordinary. "It looks to me like you're bunnying out."  
  
_So why are you running away?  
Why are you running away?_  
  
Helga twisted around with a look of fury on her face. "WHAT DIDYOU JUST SAY?" she yelled back, absolutely mad with anger. No one told her that she was ever afraid, even if it was true. No one, nowhere, not at any time. Especially him, here, and now. No way that she was going to let him think she was vulnerable now when he was so close to ruining a life's work.

Arnold looked at her, smirking in the slightest way. "You're trying to hide from me, Helga. You don't want to face that I'm right."

Helga laughed to herself. "Even if you were right, why would I run away from you? It's not like you're going to do anything to hurt me."

"You're right, it's not like I'm going to do anything to hurt you. Ever," he added. "It's that you think I am."

Helga clenched her fists, fighting back the urge to walk away again. No, she was going to break this thought away from him by being the worst she ever was, even if she would regret it later. She sighed out all of her anger, though, and relaxed. She crossed her arms, looking at him expectantly. "Why are you of all people doing this, anyway? You say that you know I don't like you, but then you go off and risk your neck trying to 'save me'? Why do you want to, anyway? Why would you want to help someone who's practically tortured you all of your life?"

She gasped at all she'd said, but apparently it didn't have the same effect on Arnold. In fact, instead of breaking him, he looked even more determined than ever do to what he wanted to do. "Haven't I already done enough stuff for you, or at least tried to, for this not to seem so weird, Helga?" he asked solemnly. "You may not like to admit it, but I still treat you as a friend, and if I'm not mistaken, you've made some pretty good calls along with my help." He sounded angry now, and he realized that this was growing closer to home for him than he thought it would be. "Haven't I, though?"

Helga hesitated, and then, a look that greatly resembled defeat came and she nodded. _Yes, he had,_ she thought. _He's been all that's there to keep me from swallowing myself whole. No, no, no, I am not giving up on this, though! But he is right.  
_  
_ 'Cause I did enough to show you that I  
Was willing to give and sacrifice  
And I was the one who was lifting you up  
When you thought you're life had had enough_  
  
"So will you listen now?" he asked.

"Yes..." Helga said timidly. "But I had better be quick!" she snapped.

Arnold sighed and relaxed his shoulders. Now that he had her attention, he had to keep it. "Helga, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I don't know it's like everything that's been happening with you and me has been haunting the back of my mind. You don't go out of your way anymore to make me miserable. And trust me, that got me more confused than it did worried."

_Oh my God_, she thought. _He's been thinking about me? Whoa, wait, what about?_

"You know, as much as it looked like I had always somehow thought all about you and how to solve your problems, as you so graciously put it," he added, "I never really did put much thought to you, me, how you treated me and how you acted on the rare occasion that you weren't lifting a masquerade mask."

Helga laughed, trying to distract him. "Are you thinking about that time at Rhonda's party where I dressed up as Lila, because believe me, I'd only do that once!"

Arnold shook his head, grinning at her slightly. "No, I mean the mask you lift everyday, just about 24/7. Recently though I've been thinking back on the years, Helga, and I've spent nights excruciatingly trying to figure you out and why you behave the way you do-"

"I knew it!" she sniffed angrily. "It's all just about me bothering you! Well listen, buddy, just forget about this and leave me alone." But she didn't walk away. _Walk away, for Pete's sake_, Helga yelled in her mind, but she wouldn't. The continuous stare from Arnold heated her whole body and melted her legs to the spot.

"Helga, just be quiet and let me finish!" Arnold yelled. This surprised her more than the glares and the grabbing. Arnold almost never yelled at anyone. But the trick had worked and Arnold had her full concentration again. "Helga, down to the bottom point, I know that you don't have friends. You act like you don't want friends but you don't want to get hurt, but what you don't realize is that your loneliness is hurting so badly inside and it shows! Not to many people, but at least to me. I see it in your eyes, Helga. I'm trying to help you break out of that. Will you listen?" He reached out a hand and Helga lurched back, finally releasing her feet from their spot.

"Don't touch me, Arnold," Helga cried. "I don't know what's with you today, but whatever it is, don't talk to me anymore." Without giving any other word, she turned her back again and started leaving the conversation. _I'm saving myself from a break down,_ Helga told herself reassuringly. _If I stay I swear I'll start to cry eventually. He's too close to home, he's too right. How is he right? I don't care if I'm hiding, it's better than killing myself inside._

"So that's it, then?" Arnold says after you're a few yards away. "You're just going to leave me here while I'm trying to save your life? That's like being handed a water bottle after two days in the desert and turning it down or something." He shakes his head. "I know you don't trust many people, Helga, but couldn't you at least for once trust me?"

Helga stopped again. _Come on_, she urged herself. _You can just walk away from this and it'll be over_. But Arnold's words had hit her hard. Amongst all of this, she still trusted him more than even herself. She took a deep breath, rolled her eyes to the heavens, and turned around. "What do you want from me?" she yelled.  
  
_ And when I get close, you turn away  
There's nothing that I can do or say  
And now I need you to tell me the truth  
You know I'd do that for you.  
  
So why are you running away?  
Why are you running away?_  
  
"I want to know why, Helga!" Arnold cried out desperately. "I genuinely do, don't deny me of an answer, please! Yes, maybe it once was a charity case, but it's not anymore! I know you have to tell someone, keeping it in you isn't helping anyone, not me, not you! So Good Lord, Helga, tell me why you don't feel like you can tell me this. Has it got something to do with me, do you really not like me, or is it all you, and your fears?"

"I don't have to tell you anything, so stop pretending that if I don't I'll slit my wrist or something stupid like that, Arnold!" she shot back.

"Is there anything I can do to make you stop thinking that that's what I mean when I say killing yourself?" he asks. "God forbid, Helga! I mean your spirit, Helga, duh!" He stopped and the two of them just stared at each other, almost challenging the other to speak. "Or am I just wasting my air trying to get to know you?"

Helga was shaking. Suddenly, she wasn't angry at all. She was close to tears. Yes, she thought, yes, he's done it. He's cracked me open. He hasn't said it all, I know he hasn't, but he doesn't need to. I can see that he...  
  
_ Is it me?  
Is it you?  
Nothing that I can do  
To make you change your mind  
Is it me?  
Is it you?  
Nothing that I can do  
Is it a waste of time?_  
  
"Well, good job, Arnold," she whispered.

"What?" Arnold asked, softer, and almost as quiet as she was.

"You've done it," she said, forcing herself to speak and not start to sob. "You've broken years of work to make me cold and empty, so that everything I thought and felt wouldn't contradict with everything that was outside of me." She looked down and said loudly, "It's me, it's always been me! I don't know what it was! Just leave me alone now, are you happy, Arnold? Are you happy?" She was so close to tears now, she turned around and broke out into a sprint. She heard him call her name behind him, but she wouldn't return. He knew everything. And everything wasn't all right. That was something she would always believe. Always.  
  
_ Is it me  
Is it you?  
Nothing that I can do  
Tto make you change your mind  
  
So why are running away?_  
  
Arnold ran after her, calling her name. "Stop! Helga, please, listen to me!"

"I already have, and it sure well didn't do me any good!" Then Helga stopped and lost her gaze in the nothingness of the air. Arnold caught up to her and stood behind her, eyeing her with concern. Helga gasped and continued to gawk at nothing, her eyes unfocused. Her mind raced. Then, under her breath, she said, "I am running away."

It was like the most shocking thing in the world. She wasn't running away from Arnold. Well, she was, but that wasn't the reason for her complete silence. She was running from everything Arnold stood for. A friend that had hurt her, only without him trying to. A love she couldn't have, only because she didn't grasp it. A fact that everything she had done that she thought would keep her safe, her only way of survival, had finally started to backfire.

"Helga?" Arnold asked, reaching his hand out carefully. "Are you okay?"

She turned her head around, her hair whipping around, to look at Arnold. He was so scared, so alarmed, so caring. Everything she knew he was, but until know, had never accepted from him. She had always stopped herself so that he wouldn't know her weakness. The weakness was him, and it had finally broken her. It had broken her away from everything she was, everything that was wrong.

"Have I helped?" Arnold finally asked. A tear rand down her face, the only one she allowed until more broke free.

"More than you know," she replied.  
  
_ Why are you running away?  
(What is it I have to say...)  
Why are you running away?  
( ...to make you admit you're afraid)  
Why are you running away?_  
  
If you liked it, please review it! I think I'm right about to get back into the flow of I just realized how much I like my song fics! Thanks bunches.

Briana Loves Foot Ball Head (and you should, too!)


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